Assertive, Aggressive, or Passive Communication?

At times, all of us use assertive, aggressive or passive communication.  Most of the time, assertive communication is best.  Assertive communication is characterized by using “I statements” instead of “you statements.”  Assertiveness means taking responsibility for your own feelings, and not blaming others.

Imagine a scenario where you’d like to request that the other person arrive on time for your meeting, and they have a history of being late.

An aggressive communicator would say, “You’d better be on time, or I’ll just leave.  I’m sick of waiting around for you.”
A passive communicator would probably not say anything, and would get angry when the other person arrived late again.
An assertive communicator would say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been late quite a few times in the past.  I would like you to arrive promptly at 9:00, as I have only an hour to spend on our meeting.”

When you practice assertiveness, you will experience more effective and enjoyable communications.  It’s not necessary to do it perfectly all the time; just take each conversation one at a time and assertiveness will begin to come naturally to you.

Come join us and learn more tips on the power of communication Click here

Wishing you the best always
Corinne McElroy

Roadblocks to Listening

Listening is one of the most important skills you can master, for both business and personal life success.
Listening also takes effort, and doesn’t happen automatically.  Many barriers get in the way of our ability to listen to one another. 

Some of the worst are:
1.    Making Assumptions about the Other Person
When we tell others how they feel or what they mean, we shut down the conversation.  The word “you” frequently causes a defensive reaction.  Instead, reflect what the other person said by saying something like “It sounds like . . .” or “If I understand what you’re saying . . .” Then, be open to them letting you know if you really understood or not; some clarification may be necessary.

2.    Mental Chatter
It is possible to look like you’re listening even when you’re not.  However, to truly listen, you need to do more than just put on your “listening face”.  You must turn off your mental chatter and focus on the other person.  Stop thinking about your to-do list.  Do not think ahead to what you will say when they stop talking.

3.    Interrupting
As a person is speaking or thinking, you cut him or her off to present your line of thinking.  This behavior clearly conveys a lack of respect for the other person’s point of view.

What are some of the other roadblocks you can think of?  Share your thoughts and ideas below.

Danger Ahead! Communicating with Anger

If you’ve ever communicated when you were angry (and who hasn’t?) then you probably know that it is fraught with dangers.  While it may feel good to “vent” or “get it off your chest”,  it does a lot of damage to your relationship with the other person.  Seldom is it worth the short-term feelings of vindication we get from blowing off steam.

The next time you are angry, remember that you are better off taking a time-out and communicating at a time when you are calm.

You might use one of the following phrases:
“I’m upset right now and I need to take a break.
“This has made me angry and I need to cool off for a few minutes.”
“Can we talk about this later, when I’ve had a chance to calm down?”

Then give yourself the time you need to feel calm, cool, and ready to communicate.  You will be much more effective, and you won’t damage your relationship in the heat of the moment

Imagine how much more enjoyable our communications could be if we learned how to respond non-defensively. Come join us on a free tele class Nov 9th Click here

To your success,
Corinne McElroy

The Importance of Non-Verbal Messages

If you are pouring your heart out to your boss and she keeps glancing at her watch, do you believe she’s interested in what you’re saying?

If the customer service rep says, “I really wish I could help you,” with a frown and his arms folded firmly across his chest, do you believe him?

Research has discovered that 55% of the message we communicate is through our body language!  Facial expression, posture and gestures actually say more to the other person than the words we speak.

Surprisingly, words only account for 7% of the message we send.

(The remaining 38% of what we are communicating is expressed through the tone, pitch and volume of one’s voice.)

Next time you have something important to say, consider not just your words,  also the message your body and voice are communicating.  When you send conflicting messages through your verbal and non-verbal cues, the non-verbal message wins every time.

To your communication success,
Corinne McElroy

How to Ask Great Questions

Asking questions can be one of the best ways to enhance a conversation, and the wrong questions can actually hinder conversation.  Not all questions are created equal!  Open-ended questions are friendlier and more effective than closed-ended questions.  They usually start with “What” or “How”.

Here are some examples of how to change closed-ended questions into open-ended questions:

Instead of “Did you like it?” you could ask, “What did you like about it?” or “How did you like it?”
Instead of “Are you upset?” you could ask “What’s on your mind?” or “How are you feeling?”
Instead of “Would you like to do something else?”  or you could ask “What would you like to do?”
Instead of ” Do you  have any questions?” you could ask “What questions do you have?”

Using open-ended questions requires effort.  However, the effort is well worth it, especially in a tense situation.  The next time you are in a tense conversation, make your questions open-ended, and watch the dynamic change.  You will have a much better conversation, and the other person will appreciate your communication skills!

Here is a quick audio tip for you  Click here

Wishing you the best always,
Corinne McElroy